Aaron Rogge. (backseat_jesus) wrote,
Aaron Rogge.

the internet is lists

rules for going to a career fair:

1. first things first: find the restroom. get it all out of you and check out how you look. don't be afraid to hit the bathroom up a couple of times just to take a second to reset your brain.

2. dress like you already have a job/have been at work all day. it seems counterintuitive, but you need to look like you don't NEED this job. razzle dazzle.

3. remember: the employers have met a lot of people. cut the bullshit and get right to the point. but don't forget rule #4:

4. SMILE! you are the happiest piece of shit on the planet. nothing negative should come out of your mouth. if the sentence begins with 'unfortunately', it will have unfortunate consequences.

5. don't have your resume out until they ask for it. it makes you seem mysterious. or it makes it seem like you want to know more about them, hence rule #6:

6. ask questions about the company. it makes you seem less desperate and more inquisitive. this is a no brainer - don't you WANT to know more about the people you are marketing yourself to?

7. take breaks. refer to rule #1. if they have a drink cart, get a drink. step outside to cool off, it gets hot on those floors, and your mouth tends to get dry when you are passing all that bullshit through there. also, if you smoke cigarettes, don't smoke. you can handle that for an hour or two, right?

8. stay away from the swag. don't touch their table unless they offer you something.

9. 'visit the website' means they're not that interested. it's science.

10. stereotype. talk to the representative from the company that seems as if they will buy what you are trying to sell the most. the stern indian man probably won't be the best choice for someone with a 3.0 gpa.

even with these rules in your pocket, career fairs are still a heartless aspect of common business practices. it's like a high school dance where everyone is single and no one is getting laid afterward. the employers don't want to be there just as much as you. i've been to many many job fairs with very little success to speak of... so maybe this list isn't the best reference.
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